Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter.
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic.
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
President Madonna to Wed Again
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off"
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"