Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off"
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Facebook Page Showing Facebook Founder's Sex Tapes Shut Down--Woman in Video Seen Texting
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
President Madonna to Wed Again
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?"
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic.
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.