Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home.
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic.
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts