Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter.
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
Facebook Page Showing Facebook Founder's Sex Tapes Shut Down--Woman in Video Seen Texting
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home.
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
President Madonna to Wed Again
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1