Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
Facebook Page Showing Facebook Founder's Sex Tapes Shut Down--Woman in Video Seen Texting
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?"
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
President Madonna to Wed Again
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off"
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home.
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits