Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off"
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home.
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
President Madonna to Wed Again
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic.
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?"
Facebook Page Showing Facebook Founder's Sex Tapes Shut Down--Woman in Video Seen Texting
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter.