Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Facebook Page Showing Facebook Founder's Sex Tapes Shut Down--Woman in Video Seen Texting
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
So many Smartphone apps installed, updates consume almost all available bandwidth. Just enough left for old-style texting like R U OK--or F U AT&T.
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?"
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter.
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home.