Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic.
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home.
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
President Madonna to Wed Again
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter.
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?"
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.