Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
So many Smartphone apps installed, updates consume almost all available bandwidth. Just enough left for old-style texting like R U OK--or F U AT&T.
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
President Madonna to Wed Again
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off"
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign