Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
Facebook Page Showing Facebook Founder's Sex Tapes Shut Down--Woman in Video Seen Texting
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
President Madonna to Wed Again
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits