Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?"
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"