Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire
The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits |
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries. |
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected |
Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses. |
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People |
President Madonna to Wed Again |
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire" |
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far. |
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat |
Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly |
Flash Mob Using Laser Pointers on White House Puts USA on Defcon 1 |
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?" |
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine. |
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below" |
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer." |
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory |
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!" |
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off" |
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave. |
So many Smartphone apps installed, updates consume almost all available bandwidth. Just enough left for old-style texting like R U OK--or F U AT&T. |
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter. |
Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices" |
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign |
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu |
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served |
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