Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire
The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory |
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu |
President Madonna to Wed Again |
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below" |
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched" |
US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off" |
So many Smartphone apps installed, updates consume almost all available bandwidth. Just enough left for old-style texting like R U OK--or F U AT&T. |
California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People |
Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served |
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage |
Teen Shot in Bar. Blames Ringtone "You talkin' to me?" |
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!" |
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic. |
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far. |
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave. |
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit. |
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine. |
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter. |
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries. |
Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence" |
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat |
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters |
Damaged Multiplex Theater Reopens When Employee Brings Bigger Screen from Home. |
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits |
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire" |
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