Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire
The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.
|Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
|So many Smartphone apps installed, updates consume almost all available bandwidth. Just enough left for old-style texting like R U OK--or F U AT&T.
|Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
|RoboSanta Caught Groping Patrons at Dance Club. "But only the naughty ones. Ho Ho Ho, if you know what I mean."
|Robocaller Ignores List and Keeps Calling People with "Soothing Voices"
|Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
|New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
|Blazing Saddles Vandals Spike Metropolitan Opera Drinks--Dubbed "Concerto in B-Flatulence"
|Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
|Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
|Violence at Seniors Political Protest: Grannies Gone Wild Gets Ugly
|US Apologizes to Canada for Nuke Snafu, Adds "Hey, it's not like it went off"
|Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
|California Bankrupt After Lottery Snafu Awards Grand Prize to Thousands of People
|Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
|Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.
|Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"
|Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
|Prozac Factory Leakage Affects Nearby Meat Packing Plant: 1,000,000 Happy Meals Served
|Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
|Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
|New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
|India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
|Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
|Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.