Headlines from the Dysfunctional Future of Naught for Hire

The future of Naught for Hire is comically (sometimes) dysfunctional, a future filled by technology built by mega-corporations focused solely on the bottom line. Numerous appliances are built with AIs that exhibit an array of personality disorders.

Road Maintenance Machine Lays Speed Bumps Across Santa Monica Freeway. Cars Lodged in Overpasses.
Robot Sex Doll Files Restraining Order.
Toy Gun Factory Raid Embarrasses FBI: "They looked so realistic "--Surviving worker says "Man, were we outmatched"
Roomba Lawnmower Runs Amuck--Mows "Bite Me" in Giant Letters
Photored Camera Malfunction--No Pics of Red Light Runners, Just Cleavage
New mousetrap hunts mice. Most mice so spooked they just leave.
India outsources telemarketing jobs to US. American employees will be "named" Rajesh and Amit.
Rampage Triggered When Auto-Tattoo Machine Glitch Gives Biker Giant Barney Tat
Defective GPS Units Are Surprising Hit With Masochists. "I SAID turn right, jerkwad!"
National Identity Chip Recall. 4,000,000 people must have defective chips surgically removed. 1st 250K get anesthetic.
President Madonna to Wed Again
Tanker Truck Autopilots Hacked. Gigantic Collision Produces Massive Mix of Chocolate and Strawberries.
Shots Fired at PC: Woman Taken Away Repeating "No, I said you can't install updates!"
Intelligence-enhanced Turkeys Surprise Hunters. "Hey, watch where you're putting that meat thermometer."
Wal-Mart Owned by Day Traders After Giant NASDAQ Snafu
Another Air Crash: NTSB Says Flying Still Safer Than Lawn Darts
Astronomical Twofer: Hubble Telescope Falls to Earth--Destroys Palomar Observatory
Off-Duty Cop Shoots 3D Lobby Ad for Lethal Weapon 8: "I thought I was under fire"
Lovestruck Man Uses Giant Hologram to Append "Y" to the Famous HOLLYWOOD Sign
New Oil Spills Off West Coast--More Exploding Seagulls Over Beach Fire Pits
Eight Cars Go Over Grand Canyon Rim Before GPS Map Error Corrected
Stadium Seatwarmers Recalled for Exploding Batteries--Dubbed "The Fire Down Below"
Fast Food Franchise Announces "Low-Fat" Meals with New Secret Sauce: Phentermine.
Man Testing Diet Drug and Muscle Builder Looks Like Popeye. Even Has Stutter.
Vandals Send Prank-Email Scary Images to Car Heads-Up Displays. Five Crashes and a Stroke so far.